Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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