wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
