This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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