I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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