If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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