I puked a lego.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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