At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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