Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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