Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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