When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
