party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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