mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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