literally had 100 drinks last night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
