When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
