So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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