Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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