ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
