Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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