she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
