this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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