The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
