Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
