we have officially lost it.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
