If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
