i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
