Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
