Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sorry about my life...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
