Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
