You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This house was built for laser tag.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
