I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
