Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
