Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
