smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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