I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
