First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
