Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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