in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is Oprah even human
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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