When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
