I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
