By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
