Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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