Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
