Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Small penises have feelings too.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
