Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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