I just threw up on my dentist
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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