Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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