My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
