Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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