My friends, they love my intelligence
he puts the penis in happiness.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
