God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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