I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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