when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
