i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
