smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
