It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
