My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
