what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
