1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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